MY ART IS

 

A dinner at home with strangers

Remembering dreams I don’t remember

Missing my grandfather I never met

A walk

A murmur

A long walk full of murmurs

For you to meet me where I’m broken

For you to look past and look back at

My back muscles torn and sore from yesterday’s crunches

Wanting a career, wanting more space, wanting more friends,

but then to stop wanting

Understanding that I have too much

A difficult phone conversation with my dad

A difficult phone call from a friend who says,

“things will change once you get married”

Blank staring at one of the hairs of your eyebrows

Blank staring at the edge of the not-yet-full moon

A blank stare

A hum

A vibration

An awkward dance that is sometimes miserable

An awkward dance that wants to be charming

For you to dance along

Your favorite winter coat with many holes

A love letter that has been forgiven of its corniness

Forgiven

A breath

Breathing, but then coughing from the cigarette smoke

Forgetting your name for the second time and being sorry,

and then being ok

Learning the word, ‘OK’

A treasure map for all the treasures I don’t want to chase after

Trying to un-believe that I weigh more than the sky

Trying to go around you, in between and above you, and underneath you

Trying not to spill a bowl full of hot soup,

and then spilling it

A bad prayer

Still a prayer

 

MY ART IS NOT

 

 

Lickable candy for your emergency sugar rush

Your morning coffee

Ready-made fast food

A big gulp of pink milk

Pretty

Blank or full

Quick

Finished

Holy how my mom thinks it to be

Screaming (until it really needs to)

A single tongue

A single rhythm

Restful until it goes away from my hand

A shopping cart of things you can’t afford

A major scale

A crowd (of people or geese)

Punk rock

The sound of cars honking or a computer mouse clicking

An elevator too small for even three people to fit

Of hate

To hurt you

Of ignoring you or excluding you

Alone

A theory to study or discover

A mirror but rather a door

A sheet of clear glass

Of me

In my control

 

NEXT TIME YOU HAVE TIME

 

 

Meet me where I am broken.

Where I am no longer smiling, growling

Or talking, not even crying or moaning.

 

Meet me where my handwriting is sloppy.

Where my sentences are

Half written, my eyes half open, and my pants half worn.

 

In my grey paint smudged over

My graphite pencil marks

And the scraping, trying to erase, only to

 

Realize

A pink joining the story.

Big gulps of pink milk I never invited.

 

Meet me where I am hungry.

For food that's slow to digest. And fix my pan if you can

So together we can eat.

 

 

 

 

61

 

 

The busy-ness of my day is summed up in a dark blue circle

I rub my ambitious red dreams and end up with dead skins

 

I sometimes fall into a wrong belief that I weigh more than the sky

 

“Under tempo is the best way to practice," he said.

“The one thing under tempo is my breath,” she replies.

 

 

THE EMBRACE

 

 

Where the sun meets the fog

The sharp edges hugged by a blur

Vibration caused by the encounter 

To be patient

In serenity, stirred

 

Fallen like a stone onto the sand

Caught as though her last breath underwater

Pulling stronger

Not to sit, nor to stand

But to immerse,

to learn freedom

In one another

 

 

WRITTEN FOR YOU

 

I wandered,

and I paused

 

Every stop there was another you

 

I chased the unknown

layered with hazes of enticing hues

 

I closed my eyes

to remember your touch

Your tickle, your smile

Your gentle stroke, 

it must be love

 

I kept moving in circles

Caught but not anxious

So full, yet so emptied

Sweet peace, such deep affection

 

Falling, oh falling

deeper than I imagined

I have no control 

over the gravity on my heart

 

Deciding to let loose

go to the places

carried by your blues

 

With no walls and no roof

No place to hide under

No shelter but you

 

Like my dreams I never remember

Maybe a fantasy,

abandoned but true

 

Growing our faith,

so deeply anchored

Your smile, so tasteful

Blossoms in me,

oh how it lingers

 

If I do, and I must, let go all that I trust

let it be all of me

but not you, not us.